Quotations tagged funny
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When all of human endeavor falls under the rubric of the “hack” the word ceases to mean anything. Hack your commute, take public transit! Hack your next dinner party with parlour games. Delightfully clever key hack keeps all your keys on the same ring. Hack Mexican food with a “burrito” sized tortilla! Hack your brain with REM sleep. Hack the sun with a straw hat. Hack hygiene with silver oxide “deodorant”. Hack girls with compliments. Hack your windowsill with a pot of wheatgrass, and hack the sky with the goddamn moon.
— qwzybug on Hacker News # 10th August 2010, 11:54 am
The answers to your Security Questions are case sensitive and cannot contain special characters like an apostrophe, or the words “insert,” “delete,” “drop,” “update,” “null,” or “select.”
— Sacramento Credit Union # 14th May 2010, 12:40 am
Some Darwinists might say your optimal strategy would be to pair-bond with the older male but surreptitiously allow the younger, sexy male to fertilise you. But be careful, most men consider being cuckolded the greatest of betrayals.
— The Guardian's Evolutionary Agony Aunt # 16th December 2009, 3:20 pm
Every time you attempt to parse HTML with regular expressions, the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp. Parsing HTML with regex summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide.
— Andrew Clover # 16th November 2009, 10:32 am
How fast do they go? Like everything else, camels aren’t what they were. Do not be encouraged by the accounts of the great desert travellers. They were better men than us, and were probably lying anyway, and they were riding camels which were used to going for many days at full pelt over the most hellish land and then charging into artillery fire at the end. The wrecks you get in the modern camel markets of Omdurman and Cairo are degenerate great-great-great-great-grandchildren of them and their forebears would be desperately ashamed of them.
— Travelling with Camels, by Charles Foster # 14th November 2009, 10:51 pm
We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission.
— Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone # 23rd August 2009, 10:51 am
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll quote Jamie Zawinski.” Now they have two problems.
— Mark Pilgrim # 25th February 2009, 10:06 pm
As duplicitous and sad as “fake following” sounds—and let’s be honest: the whole idea’s pathetic on a number of levels—for a certain kind of user, I can see why there’s a desire for this functionality. Especially on a site like FriendFeed, which has quickly become the platform of choice for the web’s least interesting narcissists—and the slow-witted woodland creatures who enjoy grooming their fur—this is a major breakthrough in the makebelieve friendship space. Yes, primate culture may be primitive, but it is not without its evolving needs.
— Merlin Mann # 26th August 2008, 10:28 pm
Using the patent application as a guide, Apple appears to be making room on the iPhone for flash memory, which means an end to Apple’s standoff with Adobe (ADBE) that’s kept iPhones from easily viewing a plethora of Internet videos.
— Ben Charny # 6th June 2008, 9:08 pm
“The web is fundamentally better when it’s social, and we’re only just starting to see what’s possible when you bring social information into different contexts on the web,” said XXXX.
— Google's unreleased OpenSocial Press Release # 31st October 2007, 6:39 pm
I’d like to ask readers of this site which you’re more interested in, Sun’s JavaFX or signing up for TissueWorld 2008, the Premiere Exhibition and Conference for the International Tissue Industry.
— Stuart Langridge # 9th May 2007, 7:46 pm
I just cut my thumb opening the clear plastic Fortress of Solitude in which you’ve packed the cordless presenter. [...] You forced me into stabbing your product with a carving knife. Is that really the sort of “initial user experience” you were hoping for?
— David Weinberger # 24th March 2007, 5:04 pm
As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on Superbowl Sunday means that the important ’pasty white nerd’ constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".
— Linus Torvalds # 4th February 2007, 10:33 pm
Two hosts are considered equivalent if both host names can be resolved into the same IP addresses [...] Note: The defined behavior for equals is known to be inconsistent with virtual hosting in HTTP.
— java.net.URL documentation # 31st January 2007, 9:13 pm
The server understood the request, but is refusing to fulfill it because you’re coming from digg.com and the proprieter of this system is frankly terrified by you people.
— Ryan Tomayko # 7th January 2007, 10:34 pm