Time traveller busted for insider trading
29th March 2003
“We don’t believe this guy’s story -- he’s either a lunatic or a pathological liar,” says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks’ time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can’t be pure luck.
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.
“It was just too tempting to resist,” Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. “I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn’t look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment.”
In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge “historical facts” such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
Officials are quite confident the “time-traveler’s” claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, “No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002.”
More recent articles
- Weeknotes: the Datasette Cloud API, a podcast appearance and more - 1st October 2023
- Things I've learned about building CLI tools in Python - 30th September 2023
- Talking Large Language Models with Rooftop Ruby - 29th September 2023
- Weeknotes: Embeddings, more embeddings and Datasette Cloud - 17th September 2023
- Build an image search engine with llm-clip, chat with models with llm chat - 12th September 2023
- LLM now provides tools for working with embeddings - 4th September 2023
- Datasette 1.0a4 and 1.0a5, plus weeknotes - 30th August 2023
- Making Large Language Models work for you - 27th August 2023
- Datasette Cloud, Datasette 1.0a3, llm-mlc and more - 16th August 2023
- How I make annotated presentations - 6th August 2023