OpenID68 items tagged “funny”
When all of human endeavor falls under the rubric of the “hack” the word ceases to mean anything. Hack your commute, take public transit! Hack your next dinner party with parlour games. Delightfully clever key hack keeps all your keys on the same ring. Hack Mexican food with a “burrito” sized tortilla! Hack your brain with REM sleep. Hack the sun with a straw hat. Hack hygiene with silver oxide “deodorant”. Hack girls with compliments. Hack your windowsill with a pot of wheatgrass, and hack the sky with the goddamn moon.
— qwzybug on Hacker News 
10th August 2010, 11:54 am
Great Literature Retitled To Boost Website Traffic (via) “7 Awesome Ways Barnyard Animals Are Like Communism”. 
17th June 2010, 10:32 am
The answers to your Security Questions are case sensitive and cannot contain special characters like an apostrophe, or the words “insert,” “delete,” “drop,” “update,” “null,” or “select.”
— Sacramento Credit Union 14th May 2010, 12:40 am
Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell To Make Us Miserable (via) I just don’t get it. How has no one managed to produce a printer that doesn’t suck yet? 
28th January 2010, 6:56 pm
Locations of Ancient Woolworths Stores follow Precise Geometrical Pattern. Excellent send-up of shoddy science reporting. 
18th January 2010, 2:51 pm
Self-Proclaimed Social Media Gurus on Twitter Multiplying Like Rabbits (via) 15,740 of them, including 2,091 social media consultants, 807 social media experts, 445 social media gurus and 68 social media stars. 
4th January 2010, 1:49 am
Another leak, the worst so far (via) “Arweena, a spokes-elf for Santa Claus, admitted a few hours ago that the database posted at WikiLeaks yesterday is indeed the comprehensive 2009 list of which kids have been naughty, and which were nice.” The first comment is great too. 
22nd December 2009, 10:42 am
Some Darwinists might say your optimal strategy would be to pair-bond with the older male but surreptitiously allow the younger, sexy male to fertilise you. But be careful, most men consider being cuckolded the greatest of betrayals.
— The Guardian's Evolutionary Agony Aunt 
16th December 2009, 3:20 pm
Mobius Sliced Linked Bagel. “It is much more fun to put cream cheese on these bagels than on an ordinary bagel. In additional to the intellectual stimulation, you get more cream cheese, because there is slightly more surface area.” 
9th December 2009, 8:03 am
Every time you attempt to parse HTML with regular expressions, the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp. Parsing HTML with regex summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide.
— Andrew Clover 16th November 2009, 10:32 am
How fast do they go? Like everything else, camels aren’t what they were. Do not be encouraged by the accounts of the great desert travellers. They were better men than us, and were probably lying anyway, and they were riding camels which were used to going for many days at full pelt over the most hellish land and then charging into artillery fire at the end. The wrecks you get in the modern camel markets of Omdurman and Cairo are degenerate great-great-great-great-grandchildren of them and their forebears would be desperately ashamed of them.
— Travelling with Camels, by Charles Foster 
14th November 2009, 10:51 pm
Awkward Suggestions (via) The Google search box “suggest” feature returns very different results depending on the quality of your grammar—“how 2” v.s. “how might one” is particularly illuminating. 12th November 2009, 10:31 am
We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission.
— Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone 23rd August 2009, 10:51 am
Exclusive: The Future of Facebook Usernames. I have to admit I was planning to just let Facebook get on with it, assuming that the OpenID provider part would show up of its own accord—but maybe I should write a thoughtful and persuasive essay about it after all. 11th June 2009, 9:46 am
Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum. “West says the school inadequately prepares students for the black seas of infinity.” 7th March 2009, 11:11 am
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll quote Jamie Zawinski.” Now they have two problems.
— Mark Pilgrim 25th February 2009, 10:06 pm
Dollarshort: The Definition of a Slow News Day. How to deal with Valleyway. 19th November 2008, 8:42 am
DRGBLZ. lolzeppelins? 11th November 2008, 3:13 pm
The Flickr Panda. Reminds me of the prime number shitting bear. 4th October 2008, 9:42 am
Goon City. Every internet meme ever, rendered in pixel art. See if you can find the Zeppelin. 
14th September 2008, 11:09 pm
Socks away! Roald Dahl’s wartime sex raids. That explains “My Uncle Oswald”. 1st September 2008, 1:43 pm
As duplicitous and sad as “fake following” sounds—and let’s be honest: the whole idea’s pathetic on a number of levels—for a certain kind of user, I can see why there’s a desire for this functionality. Especially on a site like FriendFeed, which has quickly become the platform of choice for the web’s least interesting narcissists—and the slow-witted woodland creatures who enjoy grooming their fur—this is a major breakthrough in the makebelieve friendship space. Yes, primate culture may be primitive, but it is not without its evolving needs.
— Merlin Mann 26th August 2008, 10:28 pm
Package Management Sudoku. “A package management system that can solve Sudoku based on package dependency rules is not something that I think would be useful or worth having”—like a red flag to a bull. 21st August 2008, 7:09 pm
YouTube: Large Hadron Rap. The first time I saw this I thought it was incredibly dorky. By the third watch I realised I was actually learning things. 2nd August 2008, 11:58 pm
Microformats and accessibility: the soap opera that never ends. “Be sure to tune in next week, when we’ll drown a leading accessibility expert to see if she’s a witch.” 29th June 2008, 8:44 am
Comic Sans, the Film. “A documentary film coming soon” 21st June 2008, 12:27 am
Using the patent application as a guide, Apple appears to be making room on the iPhone for flash memory, which means an end to Apple’s standoff with Adobe (ADBE) that’s kept iPhones from easily viewing a plethora of Internet videos.
— Ben Charny 6th June 2008, 9:08 pm
Classy Query. Beautifully implemented parody of class-based JavaScript and verbose namespacing as a jQuery extension, from John Resig. The source code has some neat tricks in it, in particular the buildClass() function. 1st April 2008, 9:48 am
Idea: A new typography term (via) keming. noun. The result of improper kerning. 22nd March 2008, 1:41 pm
Amazon.com: amazon oddities. Warning: reading the user reviews on these items has the potential to soak up hours. 21st March 2008, 2:54 am
Wikihistory (via) International Association of Time Travellers: Members’ Forum. 19th March 2008, 12:17 am
Weebl and Bob do CSI (via) Superb. 14th January 2008, 10:42 pm
Javascript CSS Selector Engine Timeline. It’s not every day you see a piece of code you wrote compared to a Ford Pinto :) 14th January 2008, 1:25 pm
Is it Christmas? YES. 25th December 2007, 3 pm
xkcd: Python. Just type “import antigravity”. 5th December 2007, 6:09 am
“The web is fundamentally better when it’s social, and we’re only just starting to see what’s possible when you bring social information into different contexts on the web,” said XXXX.
— Google's unreleased OpenSocial Press Release 31st October 2007, 6:39 pm
Roy Orbison in Cling-film, the novel. If you missed the original internet meme you might be a bit baffled by this one, but I picked up a copy of the novel today and it completely lives up to the standard set by the short stories. 17th October 2007, 3:58 pm
Amazon guide to ripping your CDs. “Many of our customers have already figured out that one cheap way to get DRM-free MP3 files is to buy them on CD and rip them themselves.” 21st September 2007, 11:20 pm
LOLTHULHU (via) Outstanding. 20th September 2007, 8:42 pm
Silly MS-DOS 5 Promo Video. I can’t decide if this is better or worse than the Windows 386 rap. 13th September 2007, 10:10 am
A study of the Galaxy Song by Eric Idle. More than twenty years later, the science of the Galaxy Song from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life mostly still holds. 19th August 2007, 11:18 am
The World Beard and Moustache Championships 2007. In Brighton on the 1st of September, tickets are a fiver. Unfortunately we’re moving that day so we probably can’t make it. 15th August 2007, 7:11 pm
Introduction to Abject-Oriented Programming. The best part is the comments, where several people completely fail to get the joke. 8th July 2007, 6:24 am
3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. “Registration is via a confidential money transfer.” 26th June 2007, 1:27 am
The Sarcastic Gamer: MS Surface. “Your next computer will be a big-ass table.” 21st June 2007, 11:42 am
The movie that time forgot (via) The tragically unmade “Zeppelin vs Pterodactyls”. 27th May 2007, 11:58 pm
The Truth About Wireless Devices. “After eating babies, the WiFi Routers will grow to enormous size and attack our cities.” 27th May 2007, 2:09 pm
I’d like to ask readers of this site which you’re more interested in, Sun’s JavaFX or signing up for TissueWorld 2008, the Premiere Exhibition and Conference for the International Tissue Industry.
— Stuart Langridge 9th May 2007, 7:46 pm
I just cut my thumb opening the clear plastic Fortress of Solitude in which you’ve packed the cordless presenter. [...] You forced me into stabbing your product with a carving knife. Is that really the sort of “initial user experience” you were hoping for?
— David Weinberger 24th March 2007, 5:04 pm
i’m Home. “Every time you start a conversation using i’m, Microsoft shares a portion of the program’s advertising revenue with some of the world’s most effective organisations dedicated to social causes.” Microsoft are now getting their marketing ideas from spam e-mail forwards. 2nd March 2007, 10:43 am
Les Orchard: “Web 3.0 will have Galactica-style angled corners.” (via) Here’s hoping. 15th February 2007, 10:35 pm
Blanket Fort. xkcd on why you still want one. 10th February 2007, 4:30 pm
Useless Account. “Change your password 1000 times a day... For Free!” 7th February 2007, 1:29 pm
As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on Superbowl Sunday means that the important ’pasty white nerd’ constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".
— Linus Torvalds 4th February 2007, 10:33 pm
Linux Genuine Advantage. As with all the best parodies, this one ships with source code. 2nd February 2007, 5:29 pm
Microsoft confirms Vista Speech Recognition remote execution flaw. “I have verified that I can create a sound file that can wake Vista speech recognition, open Windows Explorer, delete the documents folder, and then empty the trash.” 1st February 2007, 5:19 pm
Two hosts are considered equivalent if both host names can be resolved into the same IP addresses [...] Note: The defined behavior for equals is known to be inconsistent with virtual hosting in HTTP.
— java.net.URL documentation 31st January 2007, 9:13 pm
Wow! Fantastic photo. 31st January 2007, 9:36 am
Web 2.0 domain name generating shell script. ... sed “s/er$/r.com/g” ... 26th January 2007, 11:29 pm
Web 2.0 Company Name Generator. I talked to a company recently who had actually used this to come up with a name for one of their products. 26th January 2007, 6:38 pm
Buggy Saints Row: The Musical. An inspired musical piss-take from Cabel Sasser. 8th January 2007, 6:08 pm
The server understood the request, but is refusing to fulfill it because you’re coming from digg.com and the proprieter of this system is frankly terrified by you people.
— Ryan Tomayko 7th January 2007, 10:34 pm
xkcd.com/verizon/ (via) The xkcd.com response to Verizon’s appalling maths. 10th December 2006, 1:12 pm
Marksman Called In To Kill Kingstons Pigeons (via) Best letters-to-the-editor I’ve seen in ages. 7th December 2006, 11:50 am
xkcd: Nihilism. Zomg squirrels! 6th October 2006, 9:15 am
sudo sandwich. xkcd cracks me up. 30th August 2006, 6:50 am
Bruce Schneier Facts. “SSL is invulnerable to man-in-the-middle attacks. Unless that man is Bruce Schneier.” 17th August 2006, 2:19 pm
Neighborhood Hazard (or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street) (via) Entertaining story about a guy, his motorcycle and a psychotic squirrel. I like squirrels. 15th August 2004, 5:24 pm
